So I guess I wrote my blog in a way people couldn't read it, my bad. Sorry about that. I just don't want to have to re write it all, all I was talking about whats my weekend lol. Fun stuff I guess.

I am back at work, blah, I am having the hardest time waking up this week, grant it its only Tuesday but still, I am. I hope it gets better, I hate coming into work late. Even though everyone else does it in my department. So far the only person on time is Regina. I dont think she has ever been late. I feel things are alright in my department as opposed to how they used to be,but I still get that vibe that things are still crappy. No one really talks to me except Regina, I try to go out of my way to be nice and talk to people in the department and I get either, I am to busy or ignored. And then they turn right around and start talking to someone else. Its real irritating. I am not happy with my job anymore. if they wouldn't be buts about me working at home, I would go to wireless and make thomas's room part office, but nope, whatever. I hate the special treatment other people get in this department. I want to say something to my boss, but she is part of the group here and so I dont feel anything would come of it. I spoke to my HR about it, but they want to have a talk with me and the boss to which is fine, but I knwo that the department would just find out about it because well they are all friends, they all go out together without me, they all talk about me. I am not trying to pitty party myself, but this isn't crap I am making up, I have tried every day for almost a year to make things good here, to hang out and what not, But I am the only one here with kids, and with different goals and what not. And i shouldn't waste my time on thing slike this anymore, its a waste of energy. blah.

I can't wait until this weekend. I am trying to have Jeff take me to the movies on Friday night since he doesn't work that night. But we will see. It really discourages me when it comes to my relationship because there are so many things I want to do, it seems he doesn't want to do them with me. I want to go hiking, camping, travel more, this year. I want to drive up in the mountains, go to the beach in San Diego, I want to just spend some time with Jeff and I. Most of the time we will have Thomas, but to just get away and do something with him for a night or two would be great. I feel we need this. It bugs me thinking that he would rather hang out with his friends. I know I am not the easiest person to get along with, I am not as social as I used to be, I am to quick to judge someone or not like someone if they do something or say something that really bothers me. I have let people in so much before just to be disappointed and hurt, its almost like why bother.
I am trying to make things work and get better with Jeff and I. I love him, I want things to work out, I think he's a great dad and a great person, he just doesn't know how to be that person, I feel anyways. He does little things for me and its great. I know he's apologizing when he buys me a full throttle or something so small people don't understand. Or he starts talking tome like nothing in the world happened, thats his way of dealing with it and putting it aside to move on, I admire that, I am not that person most of the time.
Things are great for the most part, I am renting a house, I dont have a desire to move at this point, I am making a home, which is great to me. I work hard, I come home and I am a good parent I feel most of the time lol. I have things that I haven't had before and that some people don't eve have. Its hard to be real appreciative of what I have without wanting more and more.