April 20th 2009

So I am going to try this for once and see what happens. I have been against the idea of blogging, but maybe this will help me vent, when I feel I have no one to vent to. Yeah, there is my sister, or Jeff, or the occasional all of a sudden vent to the nearest person, but that doesn't happen much at all.. go figure....
So if I offend anyone in any of my blogging posts, I do apologize, unless I really meant to offend lol.. if thats the case, then I probably did it to your face already. :)

I decided, I will try this because at the moment, I don't have an outlet for any of my frustrations, my irritations, my loneliness, or anything else that can possibly go wrong or right.

We will start with my weekend. Friday was a good day, I guess, I can't really remember that far back. I came home and Jeff went to work, I hung out with the little man for awhile and put him to bed, he's the light of my life, besides Sydnie. I couldn't have asked for a better gift in my life at this point in my life. I can have a bad day, worse day, on my death bed, and he will make me laugh and forget all of my issues. Sydnie does the same, but in a different way. Sydnie of course, when I have her, has a hard time with this, because she has been the only child for 9 years, and she doesn't quite get the idea that maybe someone, even though she asked for one, might come in and steal her lime light for awhile. Anyways....I watched some TV and hung out on the couch being lazy, I fall asleep there and wait for Jeff to come home. Unbenost to me, he came home at 2 am, grabbed some money and left. I then woke up, went to the bed, and slept, till he came home at 10 to 4am and came to bed, me being emotional, got up went to the couch and went to sleep out there, 8am rolls around, I am up, go smoke a cig, talk to the roomie for a min, and get my bundle of joy up out of bed. HAHA, I creep into the room, thinking he's still alseep.. NOOOOPE he's not, he's wide awake, staring at the ceiling, so I smile and he smiles his wide grin, like MOMMIE your here... lol.. so I get him up, feed him and he falls back asleep in my arms..I watch him and watch tv,...then get Jeff up to get ready to go to his grandpas funeral, we drive down there, I hang around, go buy a skirt becuase Jeff's mom insisted I come to the after dinner, which I wasn't not prepaired fo. So I did that, after everything was said and done, we left and came home, just hung out on the couch together and watched tv until we decided it was bed time. Go figure, Sunday,I woke up with a migreain, I tried to fight all day. This year, they are all to common and its driving me insane!!!

So I was laying in bed last night tryign to go to sleep and I think to myself, tomorrow is my moms birthday..I want to be the first person to wish her HAPPY BIRTHDAY, soooo I get to work at 6:10am on 4/20/2009 and call her up immediatly, wake her up out of her crappy inducded sleep, I am sure, and sing happy birthday to the point I feel comfy at..she loved it, then we talked for 30 mins... it was nice. I miss my mom, because its my mom, but I dont mind feeling like I have no one to count on, which in all HONESTY, I really don't have ANYONE I can count on except myself and that is shown to me time and time again, over and over again, when will I get the point lol....
So today, 4/20 every stoners holiday, go figure, I am sitting at work and talk to Brenda when she comes in, she's cool, but later as the day goes by, I sit here and ponder on the fact that I dont like coming to work any more. It seems no matter how friendly I try to be, its ignored, I am not sure who my real friends are, or if I even have real friends, how lame is that. I used to have tons of friends, but decided that they werne't real and did a house cleaning of friends, now I am at none. Its really depressing and sad if you ask me. I watch how Jeff has his friends and he is always happy around them and I get jealous, I can't help it. I get Jealous at the fact that other people have friends to hang out with, go out with, but none of my friends want to hang out with me, or go out iwth me, its very irritating to me, just because you may be in a relationship doesnt mean forget your friends or whatever. Seriouslly, I have had it every day I wonder why. why bother.

Well I have one hour left of work, and I get to go home and hang out with two loves of my life, at 330 the girl of my life, Sydnie Rose, will be home and I will be graced with her presence for awhile, until her dad blah comes to get her...